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STORIES...MEMORIES...SWEETIES...BITTERNESS...GOSSIPS...MEANINGFUL...LIFE IS JUST THAT BEAUTIFUL, DON'T U SEE IT?

ONE BERSIH MALAYSIA
Few weeks back, I still don’t know what is BERSIH.
Few days back, I was busy looking for friends to accompany my husband to the rally. Reason being us, having 2 kids, cannot afford to have both arrested. I have to standby to provide legal aid service for any untowards.
Yesterday, I bought few mini buns and still persuading friends to go to keep my husband company.
This morning, I put the minibuns, 2 bottles of waters, a yellow shirt wrapped in a paper giftbag, a cap and a small umbrella in a backpack for my husband.
I was asked to bring my husband to the nearest KTM station – Subang.

We left home at about 10.30am. I drove and of course, my Rui En followed. Due to the road blocks, we were facing terrible jam, I was very upset with the wastage of the resources and taxpayer monies – if I called to say there was a robbery somewhere, do you think I can get any police? I sounded my horn furiously few times on the road to show my unhappiness.

Finally, we skipped the road blocks, after few alternative small routes, we managed to reach Subang KTM station at about 12.00pm. After dropping my husband, I thought of driving back home. Rui En was crying badly wanted to follow the father. That delayed me. Suddenly, my crying boy pointed to front and called papa papa. My husband was walking back to us – many Police were there.

We dropped the paper giftbag in car. With 2 backpacks (one for my husband and one my Rui En) and ONE BIG umbrella, I parked the car and went down with my husband. I bought a ticket to KL sentral for my husband. With few minutes hesitation, when my husband came out from the toilet, I bought another one ticket for myself to KL sentral.

There we go. We reached KL sentral. After feeding my Rui En and bought some more breads to stand by, we were misdirected by the stall owner to go upstairs to buy LRT ticket. Many police cars and police were there. I saw the police trying to arrest a young malay guy and a lady was begging them not to. While this malay guy was struggling, I saw somebody throwing a water bottle which fell onto the crowds of police. That’s where I could not hide my anger anymore. I shouted, I begged you I have a loud voice.

“Apa jadi? Orang Muda saja. Lepaskan dia, stop it!”
There was this young policeman came to me, saying “No worries, the police is only doing their duty, unlawful assembly!”

I shouted back, “We are worried, we are scared! You all made us worried, and you all are scaring us now!!!”

Not to forget, a malay passed by me and said to me, “police state”.

With the anger, I asked the counter where to buy LRT ticket and we were told to go downstairs. We went downstairs. I told I wanted to go to Star LRT station Plaza Rakyat. The Counter told me to go Masjid Jamek the nearest station.

In the LRT. We met people like us. The LRT did not stop at Masjid Jamek. We stopped at Dang Wangi and we walked from there towards the rally.
On our way, we met many people like us. We were near to Masjid Jamek station. At about 1.30pm, many police cars (giant size) dashed to our direction and many police were coming. Yes, tear gas was the immediate thing we can think of. I ran to a corner with my Rui En while my husband trying to go as front as he could. My Rui En was excited, he saw helicopter, police car and “fire engine” (I kept on telling him that was the police car but he could not differentiate cos of the big red size of the truck).

We could not move further. Tear gas was at Menara Maybank there. All the routes towards Merdeka Stadium were blocked. We stayed to observe and go as near as we could.

It started to rain. Mcdonalds was closed. We went 7-11 to buy some drink – I have not even taken my breakfast by then. We bought a raincoat (coincidentally it was yellow colour) for my Rui En, hoping that he would not be wet under the rain. We still attempted to move further until I met few lawyers who was at the legal aid centre standby to provide legal aid service to those in need.

We went to the legal aid centre. I wanted to volunteer my service but was refused – because, I supposed I was near to rally and could not be a neutral or independent person anymore.

Then, I decided to go back until we watched a crowd of people matching towards our direction. Strange to us, the police actually let them go. We were wondering whether these people were supporters of BERSIH and then somebody told that it was the UMNO youth group. My anger hiked up where I was screaming under the rain.
“ASHAME, MALU, DOUBLE STANDARD!” Polices were looking at me but dare not even come near. I think my Rui En is my weapon.

On our walking to Dang Wangi station, we met an even larger crowd marching towards us. When they came near, they confirmed they were BERSIH supporters, so we followed… again until near Menara Merdeka where I could see the tear gas, I ran with my Rui En.

I know, if without Rui En, I will move even further!

It’s alright, we have done our very best! We were very brave to move so far already.

At Dang Wangi station, we were told that KL sentral station was closed. My husband called her sister to wait for us at Kelana Jaya station to fetch us to Subang KTM. In the LRT, we witnessed the large crowds on the road and all of us in the LRT shouted so loudly and so proudly!!!!

On our way back home, still road block was not over, it took us long to cross the road block towards USJ summit….

At about 5pm, I reached home, safely with my husband and my Rui En.

Thanks to everyone who was so supportive, whether you were in the rally or not, the attempts we made to go near there already proven something. The number in Merdeka Stadium does not matter, what matters is the number scattered all over the place or even countries. And, to those closely watching Malaysia KINI at home, following the news on BERSIH, you all have also done a good job by giving your best moral support!

Let us keep up the spirit till the forthcoming General Election! WELL DONE ALL!!

他说:
It must be very frustrating to have tried so hard and still come up with nothing.But perhaps it is now time to look at the facts and take a break to ease some of your anxiety.
Do not just sit back and feel very, very disappointed. Your future is at stake here and you surely don't want to leave this unresolved, with further complications to add to your present misery.

我说:
不想放弃,因为放弃比继续努力更需要付出代价。


。。。


他说:
The mask is the trick that allows you to be more than you are.

我说:
所以喜欢戏剧。


。。。


他说:
A decision made by youself is better than one which is made for you. Because then, you would have no one but yourself to blame if anything goes wrong. Nor would you have any excuses not to do well, either.

我说:
我是一个敢作敢为的人,不是不知道后果,而是愿意承担一切的错。


。。。


他说:
Sometimes we have something...
without truly knowing what we have
Sometimes we hold something...
without knowing completely what we hold
Sometimes we are given something...
without fully appreciating what we are given
But, that knowledge usually comes
when we realise what we have lost.

我说:
往往,懂得要珍惜的时候,人生也已走到剩下一半了。。。


。。。


他说:
Life is short, live it up!

我说:
人生是短暂的,是的,live it up! Hurry up!


。。。


他说:
As long as I live, there will always be tomorrow. When one door closes, another will open.

我说:
当门关上了以后,朋友,是该换个方向了。


。。。


他说:
But if you question it, if you sit and ponder what to make of it ... Poof! Life will be behind you like a faded rose or a distant memory. So enjoy; not later, now.

我说:
人生是什么?与其去解释,不如去实行,去体会。


。。。


他说:
Do the things you have to do today so that you'll have more time to have fun tomorrow

我说:
Only if you have tomorrow! No, have fun now!!!


。。。


他说:
I complained I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet

我说:
当你埋怨没鞋可穿时,该想想那些没脚可穿鞋的人。
更何况我们还是有好多漂亮的鞋可自由选择穿的人!

依然坚持相信一分耕耘,一分收获
因为每一次你在耕耘,你也就是在收获

。。。

依然坚持相信有些遗憾是无需重来的
因为,即使再给我们机会重新选择一次,
我们还是会有很多遗憾,
且还可能因为太过小心翼翼,太过刻意去经营,
而留下更多的缺憾!

。。。

依然坚持相信真正的女人味不是从衣着装扮中制造出来的
而是发自于内心的转变,成熟

。。。

依然坚持相信人无论在什么情况下都必须拥有一个完全属于自己的空间
可以尽情哭泣,呐喊,狂笑,发泄。。。
不必理会别人的目光,无须在意你那完美的形象
谢绝一切好意或恶意的安慰
我只想安静地让自己沉淀。

。。。

依然坚持相信那个强烈属于自己的自我性格是永远不会消失的
最多,只是换个方式重新开始
在为大爱牺牲的前提下
然而,委屈,我是从不愿让它出现在我的人生字典里的

。。。

依然坚持相信长痛不如短痛这个古今不变的道理
如果是出尽了所有的法宝,仍无法恢复从前的真心与快乐
我会主动结束一切不愉快。是自私,是狠心,是不负责任也好
对不起,我也只想趁早把那份还美好着的回忆好好留住

。。。

依然坚持相信没有一个人可以完全了解一个人
所以你没权利要求别人用一百分来爱你,更没资格要求别人为你做决定
只有你自己,过着你的现在,可以掌握你要的未来

。。。

依然坚持相信人必须要有自己人生中可以坚持相信的原则
不管是对还是错
只管后悔不后悔
唯一条件是这原则不可以以伤人为本


。。。

于是依然坚持,坚持相信我所相信的

每一件事都想亲力亲为
每一个人都想认真对待
每一个日子都想过得精彩
然而
手越捉得紧
心越放不开

每一次下雨 我为自己撑伞
每一次跌倒 我扶自己起来
每一次心冷 我让自己阳光
然而
我越勇敢坚强
人越变得倔强

于是
我不想每一件事都亲力亲为
我不想每一个人都认真对待
我不想每一个日子都过得精彩
因为要求完美
已让我精疲力尽

于是
每一次下雨 我让自己哭泣
每一次跌倒 我不立刻爬起
每一次心冷 我放任着情绪
因为不想坚强
变成了我一生的负累

去吧!让自己不快乐的完美主义
也许不完美的自己
往后会有更多人的疼惜

去年,告诉自己若我可以把爸您逝世的整个过程从记忆里化成文字记录,那么,我就可以放下了。

今年,告诉自己若我可以教会睿恩念公公的名字,然后可以一一回答他“公公是谁,公公在哪里,公公做什么”等等的问题时,那么,我就可以放下了。

如今,启恩也出世了,以上所说的没一样做到。。。

不再告诉自己要什么什么了,该做到和能做到的时候,就会做到的了。

x x x

在ikea看中了一只老鼠,每一次都没去买下来,虽然那一点都不贵。

某天,逛了一圈的我竟不知怎么,心血来潮回头拿了那只老鼠,付了钱,买了回家。

不久后,我发现了自己怀了属鼠的睿恩。


睿恩喜欢米奇老鼠,狗狗和熊熊。那天在toy'r'us,他却选了一只老虎用手推车推着推着,连爸爸来接了,都不肯走,还想把它给推回家。当时我还开玩笑问他,是不是想要个虎弟弟或虎妹妹?他还似懂非懂地点了点头。

不久,我发现了自己怀了属虎的启恩。


世上的事要说巧合,有时也挺巧合的!

启恩,

你的降临和你哥一样,都不是在妈妈的预算内。然而,这场上天意外的安排,令妈妈有了一个提早退休的计划。
妈妈一直幽自己一默,至少这一次妈妈并不会措手不及,也不会难堪或愧疚什么,因为这一次,妈妈并不需要为了你忙着结婚,哈!

妈妈一直觉得你是上天对妈妈的眷顾。
第一个怀孕的阶段,你并没有给妈妈问题,孕吐也不超过五个手指头。虽然妈妈的背部会隐隐作痛,那是因为在做你哥的月子时摔了一跤所致,与你无关。
接着,妈妈并没有太多的身体上的变化和痛苦,抽筋不多次,也不太难受,连水肿都没有。除了照顾你哥的疲累以外,妈妈很庆幸你一点麻烦都没给妈妈。

直到过了你哥两岁的生日以后,也是过了妈妈的生日以后,那时你已八个月大。
你爷爷必须进行一个大手术,所以奶奶必须回去家乡照顾爷爷。而婆婆因为要照顾公公的生意没法子长期在这儿帮妈妈看你哥。妈妈去年因为公公与外太婆的过世已用尽了累积几年的假期,今年开始累积的假期又在这段时期给用了一半。
然而最让妈妈心疼的是,
在6月20日那天,你哥跌破了头皮,缝了三支针。看着你哥承受着那痛楚和惊吓,妈妈的心疼了好久好久,却一点也分担不到什么。
你哥真的很勇敢,他还是过了这一关。虽然额头上的疤痕还在,但妈妈一定会让它消失的。相信妈妈,你们都是妈妈最心疼的宝贝。

断断续续地熬到了7月中,爷爷下来与我们同住,总算日子可以暂时安定下来,虽然中间还是有些琐事,必须做临时的调整。
了解妈妈一向未雨绸缪的性格,妈妈已尽力在8月来临前准备好一切你用的和妈妈用的,以及安排好家里的一切,准备更顺利地迎接你的到来。因为妈妈知道8月会是妈妈最忙的一个月份,必须完成很多重要的案件,以及做好产假的交代。
妈妈的医生早在8月的第一个星期吩咐妈妈做好迎接你的准备。

就在妈妈不停忙着打战时,妈妈一早预定的陪月来电告诉妈妈她有关节炎,没办法帮你妈妈做月子,妈妈在打战的同时,花了一个星期,打了30几通电话,才找到了一个陪月来替代。
所幸,这并没影响到妈妈的战绩,还是保持在场场胜利的纪录,除了一场一早已预了输却必须硬着头皮打和一场赢得不太漂亮以外。
妈妈以为在8月19日打完了最后一场战以后,可以终于停下脚步交代工作上的一切时,妈妈却病倒了。不,是病了,但没有倒。
大概是你哥传染给妈妈的吧!他在妈妈打着战时病了,好在妈妈在忙碌中仍维持得住那敏感度,提早发现你哥的不妥,所以只是小发烧,吃了三天药就好了,不然要妈妈每晚不眠地看顾着你哥,妈妈恐怕也熬不住。

在离预产期不到两个星期的时候病倒,是妈妈对你不住,因为妈妈一直告诉你要忍耐到妈妈打完最后一场战,虽然妈妈也很想和快与你见面。
很担心没办法在最佳状态下产你,但,妈妈还是坚持不吃药,怕会对你留下后遗症。

就在8月24日,妈妈接到消息,那位妈妈帮你找到的保姆告诉妈妈她没办法照顾你了,因为一些沟通上的误会。这个晚上,妈妈工作到8点以后,急忙回家附近打听保姆的联络号码。当晚,妈妈就碰到了一位保姆,与她倾谈甚久,却心里不是滋味,那不是妈妈要的。
启恩,你是上天派来让妈妈变更坚强的吗?妈妈已为公公去世已让妈妈勇敢起来了,但这接二连三的使命,妈妈还是得去过关斩将的,带着10个月的身孕,妈妈还是得咬紧牙根,勇往直前!

8月25日,妈妈请了半天假去产检,在等医生的时候,妈妈打了好几通电话为你找保姆,就在保姆和保姆的介绍之下,妈妈约了一位声音听起来像是妈妈想要的在第二天晚上见面,因为你爸爸还在外玻工作。

8月26日凌晨5点,妈妈感觉腹部疼痛,赶紧问你,是不是要出来了?妈妈还问你,难道你不想等爸爸回来,难道你不想等妈妈确定了保姆人选吗?
5点多,你哥醒了一下,在疼痛中安抚你哥睡着后,妈妈赶紧去叫醒你奶奶,然后拦住你舅舅,叫他去上班前先放妈妈在医院,妈妈感觉是时候了。因为疼痛越来越强烈。
到了医院,已是7点。在护士确定以后,妈妈打电话通知你爸爸,但要你爸爸别赶回来,深怕路上会有什么意外。然后通知你奶奶说妈妈已在医院等着你的出世,报个平安。妈妈还记得当妈妈在子宫开了5cm时打电话给stemcell的工作人员,她还叫妈妈子宫开了9cm才再致电给她,妈妈还笑说到那时,妈妈应该已痛得没办法说话了。
妈妈记得8点开始,那疼痛已让妈妈承受不住。妈妈在上厕所时,已快痛得站不起来了。你记得妈妈当时对你说了什么吗?妈妈说,弟弟,妈妈已经很痛了,我们一起出来吧,不要等爸爸了,好吗?
你果然很听话,没让妈妈疼太久,就在两次撕裂似地用力推以后,你就出来了。9.05am 是你的出生时辰。

虽然在你未出世前,发生了好多事,但妈妈希望你不会感受到压力,要和妈妈一样带着一颗感恩的心,就如爸爸为你和你哥取的名字一样,陪着妈妈去面对吧!
妈妈永远相信明天会更好,到你长大以后,妈妈要一一跟你诉说这一切一切,造就了妈妈和你的默契和回忆,妈妈相信你一定比妈妈更勇敢更坚强!

如今,看着你那爱微笑的小脸孔,真是上天给爸爸妈妈的恩赐。妈妈没什么奢求,只愿你与你哥可以健康,平安,相亲相爱地快乐成长!

何时没有在日记里给你写信
何时想要写信却懒于动笔
何时提笔后才发现没有话题
何时我已不再那么想你

你说会在远方陪我看星
而我许诺会在这里等你
我们一直天真地相信爱情
忘了距离可以改变两颗心

原来我们的爱情这样不堪一击
以为快乐的回忆足够面对孤寂
却不知你我之间的距离
可以让你害怕空虚
可以使我寻找代替
在我们都无法坚强的孤单里

又是一夜的徘徊
有些事情还是无法释怀
往日种种浮现脑海
我已不再是当年的小孩

又是一天的醒来
眼角残留着昨夜的悲哀
好好将心情梳洗一番
每天都是全新的出发

没有什么悲伤可以悲伤很久
多大的暴风雨仍可再见彩虹

让自己快乐起来
何必让日子过得如此无奈
只要把心扉打开
阳光就会很快渗进来

让自己快乐起来
没有什么结是永远解不开
只要把心扉打开
幸福就会一步一步走过来

约好三五知己去打bowling
我们始终未能习惯
只有我们两人的世界里

每一次你总是遥遥领先
爱情里的脚步
我总是赶不上你

徘徊于爱情与尊严之间
我总是找不着中心点
不是迷失在爱里面
就是太执着于自己的理念
越挣扎 我越钻牛角尖

停留在喜欢与爱的迷惘
让我渐渐理出一个方向
偶尔胜利使我勇敢
击不中还有第二线希望
即使输也要输得漂亮

你笑了
嘴角露出甜蜜的笑容
稚气的脸不懂掩护
原来早已有人给你幸福

你哭了
眼角泛着闪闪的泪光
握着他写来的情书
从此你让他牵了你的手

我迟到了
写好的信已寄不出去
让它静静搁在一旁
随着记忆变黄变旧

我迟到了
想说的话往肚里吞
把它埋藏在心深处
再痛也不去碰触

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